Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Smelly Scholar Swears to Salvage Cyborg


January 12th, 2018- Professor Strange offers his assistance in recapturing the renegade alien cyborg known as Isaac. Strange pontificates,
“Such dismal effort on the part of law enforcement requires the application of unconventional tactics to achieve the desired result. I have, shall we say, an unusual interest in recapturing this creature. My credentials in the field of the paranormal should illustrate the depth of my resolve.”

As usual, no one is sure what Strange means, and at least one reporter mentions the Professor’s destruction of Baltimore last year.

“First of all,” states a bystander, “the guy seems to think he’s above the damn law! Blowing up the city was bad enough, but then there is this matter of all those celebrity clones running around… at all hours of the night… and what about the smells coming out of his compound? It’s stomach turning… just who the Hell does he think he is?”
According to Community Activist and well-known busybody Agatha Trundlethwaite,
"I don’t mind the celebritiy clones, and I don’t think anybody misses Baltimore either… but he’s right about that smell. It smells like a burning tire covered with cabbage. Somebody has to stop this guy!”

Sunday, August 5, 2007

Everybody Panic


January 11th, 2018- Washington DC- Unknown Biological Entity escapes from Top Secret Government Holding Facility.

According to USAF Spokesman Roger Bentwater,
“Well, I was getting burned out denying all this anyway. Yes, there was an alien spacecraft that crashed in 2007, and yes, we have been holding him here at Area 52, and yes, the Spice Girls were complicit in the inevitable cover-up. The alien entity’s name is Isaac and he…. Well, he’s loose. And angry. And he has an unhealthy predilection for probing."

At this alarming statement several reporters begin scrambling for the exits, and some draw weapons, forcing Bentwater to admit,

"Look, I don’t like this development any more than you do. I don’t think there’s any need for panic, but civilians may want to cover their anuses.”

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