Sunday, July 15, 2007

Ass Times at Ridgemont High

February 14th, 2016- Dallastown PA- Local Hairdresser Mike Thornton reports to Channel 813 that aliens abducted him over the Valentine’s Day holiday. A known flag desecrator, Thornton claims to have been repeatedly violated by these unknown biological entities.
“ The aliens were obviously trained in the Arts of Sexiness… I was really a little confused. I mean, I am willing to try any new experience, but having an ashtray inserted into my anus can’t possibly teach their alien civilization anything… can it?"

In fairness,” lisps the witness, “the first two times were my idea… but d**n it! No means no!”

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